CocoDandridge's Blog

CocoDandridge's Blog
Photography By. CocoDandridge

No Need For Acceptance This Time

In my head all I hear is constant noise
Noise of screaming, kicking, crying, & fighting
Sometimes it gets so loud to the point where I begin to scream, kick, cry, & fight
Fight myself because I’m angry
Angry at myself because I promised me…
I promised me that I wouldn’t care or listen to what other people said against me
But see…here I am thinking of everyway to make you like me…to accept me
Thinking of ways to make you like me when I’m being untrue to myself
I’m making preconceived notions & high on mixed emotions
Knowing that you or whoever...expects so much from me when inside…I’m dying
Dying spiritually
All I have are my dreams & who would I be if I let you take them from me??
I know you want me to stay in school & get a four year degree...
I will…
But a scholarship ain’t everything
Every time I try to keep from being quiet…
I freeze at your conservative beliefs & I remain silent
Now I’m screaming, kicking, crying, & fighting because I’m trying to climb out of this deep bed
Of people pleasing & fitting in
I’ve been a prisoner of words…because mostly all I ever did was say what you wanted you hear
Searching in the darkest clouds for a piece of myself when all I truly desire is just peace with myself
Not peace because you like me & not peace because I fit in but Peace because I wasn’t happy & I removed myself
Peace because I didn’t care what anyone thought
And peace because for the first time in 21 years…
I’m really doing me
So that’s why I scream, kick, cry, & fight
Because I’m trying to make it out of the life
That life when I stayed up late at night crying because I wasn’t happy
So you can say what you want & do as you please
Because I’ma yell until all I hear in my head…
Is me!!!

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